But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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