There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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