he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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