You work out of a Hotel?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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