my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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