He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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