I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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