his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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