I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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