remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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