I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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