hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize