maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
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I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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