if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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