My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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