No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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