Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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