I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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