Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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