Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize