He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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