I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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