You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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