hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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