Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize