I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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