Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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