Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize