idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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