I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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