dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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