i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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