It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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