so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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