I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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