It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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