Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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