her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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