my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I understand Curling. That high.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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