Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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