In the future we'll all be gay
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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