I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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