awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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