What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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