So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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