dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize