so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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