You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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