Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize