You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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